I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
