Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Randomize
