$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
