I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe