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Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Randomize
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