And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship