So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
a bad idea.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?