A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
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