so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
