gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
