I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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