you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
