No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
