I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
