Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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