those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
