no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
