I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Ketchup is God's man juice
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
