Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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