Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
