my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
