he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
