i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
