Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
