Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
