Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
