Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
