My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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