tell your sister to shave her snatch
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
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