Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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