Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
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he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
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If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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