dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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