Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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