I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
