ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
