I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
