yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she smelled like a LAN party
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
FUCK WHALES
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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