you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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