Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
