remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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