my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
