Swine flu. Run for my life!
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
