just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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