i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You're a waste of cheezeits
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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