If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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