Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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