Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
