No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
