I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
