i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
