'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
