Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
