don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
