I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize