Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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