My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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