Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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