my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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