She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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